She met a man she could have a stable life with, whom she said would be a better role model for the girls. The divorce was as amicable as could be expected and I stayed around for a few years until a got a big break as a studio musician in New York City. Ever since, I tried the best I could to keep in touch over the phone, through pictures, and the occasional tour with a stop in the area. And as I looked into the glass, I saw regret reflecting out. "Dad, what are you doing?"I came back to the present with the voice of my daughter, Tracy. She was beautiful even in the ridiculous emerald green bridesmaid dress. Her tan skin and long dark hair contrasted with the metallic color of the dress. She smiled in her innocent beauty and looked upon me with bewilderment. "Just thinking back I guess," I said. "Times like this make you think about maybe the wrong choices you make. How they affect other people."She comforted me with a firm hug and stroked my shoulders and the back of my arms. "You. She seems to regard me as clueless, with no idea how to play this game. I manage to worm my hand inside her bra and feel her and she gives a little grunt of approval.Then she sits back.“You’re not used to snogging, are you?” she says pleasantly. I smile at her, my hand slowly retreating from her top. “Did you think you were going to steam in and get everything just like that?” I’m not sure what the right answer is, so I say nothing, but put my hand on her thigh. “We’re going to feel each other and kiss,” she says in a take-it-or-leave-it way.“Are you a virgin?” I ask as inoffensively as I can.“In some ways, yes,” she says. “I had a boyfriend for a long time, and we did a lot of snogging and feeling. That’s what I like, and if it’s not enough for you, well I’m sorry…”I’m starting to feel like a bad person, as if I’m pressuring her, when in fact I’m just playing a more advanced version of the same game.“Sorry,” I say. “Let’s start again.” We cuddle anew and I enjoy the way she kisses.
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